Rediscover a Joy-Based Approach to Eating

Most of us probably grew up as kids with what I would consider a “joy-based approach to eating.” What I mean by this is that most of our food decisions were made with little to no thought, were primarily chosen based on what would satisfy us, and despite all of this our nutritional needs were largely if not fully met. If you were like me when you were younger, you didn’t know in detail what protein, fat, and carbohydrate are, you didn’t feel bad for eating “too much ice cream,” and you probably ate 3 relatively balanced meals and at least 2-3 snacks each day. How did eating, something so fundamental to sustaining human life, become so complicated for so many of us as we got older? And are we any better off for it?

The opposite of a joy-based approach to eating is what I would consider a fear-based approach to eating. A fear-based approach to eating is one that is rooted in guilt, fear, and shame, and leads to obsession and chaos. Unfortunately, this is what many of us develop in varying degrees as teenagers or adults. Living in a culture in which we are constantly inundated with messages about what is beautiful (i.e., one body size – very thin), what and what not to eat, and what new diet or exercise regimen to try can leave many of us feeling confused and obsessive when it comes to food and nutrition. We may start to become very black and white about food, labeling some foods “safe” or “healthy,” and other foods “off-limits” or “bad.” We may develop rigid food rules and shame ourselves when we break them. To pay the penance for our “mistakes” with eating, we may resort to dieting, shaming ourselves, obsessively exercising, or other unhealthy measures to remove the guilt we feel and the fear of gaining weight. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that the way some of us interact with food is like a religion – I can say that because I have been there! Rigid rules, efforts to remove guilt and essentially internally cleanse oneself, and the reality that it is never enough no matter our best efforts. If any of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone.

While I could go on about what it is like to live in a fear-based approach to food, I will save that for another time. Today I want to focus more on two facets of a joy-based approach to eating:

1. Why is it important to have a joy-based approach to eating? 
2. How can one rediscover a joy-based approach to eating? 

Let’s look at these questions one at a time.

First, why is it important to have a joy-based approach to eating?

Lately I have been reading family therapist and dietitian Ellyn Satter’s book, Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family. (Side note: this book is wonderful and I would highly recommend it for anyone, parent or not). She writes, “Enjoyment is the key to good health. If the joy goes out of eating, nutrition suffers.” I could not agree with this statement more. This is what I have found to be true in my own personal life, in observing the lives of others, and in my studies of food and nutrition.

There are several key reasons that come to mind as to why it is essential to good nutrition (and health more broadly) to have joy at the center. Let’s consider what some of the benefits of a joy-based approach to eating may be:

• Decreased disordered eating behaviors and effects: when we are eating with joy and satisfaction at the center of our decision making and overall approach when it comes to food, we will experience less disordered eating. This may sound counterintuitive to some (“if I put joy at the center of my approach to food, all I will eat is chocolate cake all day everyday!”) but it really is the case. For example, when we truly allow ourselves the freedom to eat all foods, in any quantity, food begins to lose its overly immense allure that it has when it is off limits. When we eat for satisfaction (i.e., eating a meal we find enjoyable until we are comfortably full), we won’t feel “on the prowl” later looking for something else to satisfy us. Eating for joy and satisfaction allows us to trust our bodies and that the amazing physiology of them can guide us to our natural weights without our obsessive (and ineffective) attempts to manipulate and control them. Read more about this here.

Fabulous quinoa salad with chicken, peaches, cucumber, blueberries, feta, and more! 

• Increased mental, emotional, and social health: eating with a joy-based approach to food means that all foods are morally equivalent. Let it be known that a salad is not morally better than a hamburger or a cookie – this sounds silly, but in our internal experiences may be harder to grasp. Removing guilt and shame with eating lets us enjoy all foods and thus reduces our obsessive thinking and internal chaos with food. We are able to be more present with those we are eating a meal with rather than obsessing over the caloric content of what is on our plate or if it is “healthy enough.” Health is so much more than pure nutrition, and experiencing joy with eating is vital for our mental, emotional, and social well-being.
• Increased likelihood that our nutritional needs are met: as Satter said above, our nutrition truly does suffer when the joy goes out of eating. When we are eating in fear or anxiety, we may eat the same “safe” foods over and over, thus decreasing the variety of vitamins and minerals we are intaking regularly. We may be so afraid of gaining weight that we aren’t getting enough calories for our bodies and minds to be functioning at their optimal states. We may skip breakfast in the name of health, but are likely actually harming our metabolism and setting ourselves up to overly fill ourselves at lunch. Telling ourselves certain foods are off-limits, we may be stuck in cycle of restricting and bingeing rather than eating with a natural rhythm of 3 hearty meals and several snacks each day. When we seek first to satisfy ourselves during mealtime, nutrition tends to follow.

Hearty and luxurious breakfast in bed before a full day of travel and hiking!

Now that we’ve discussed some of the health benefits of a joy-based approach to eating, I will close with addressing the second question: how can one rediscover a joy-based approach to eating?

Rediscovering a joy-based approach to eating entails removing black and white thinking when it comes to food and recognizing that what is “healthy” is more than the nutritional content of what is on your plate – all foods can have a place in a truly healthy diet. In my opinion, having fun enjoying a pepperoni pizza with friends is much healthier than sitting at home alone eating a kale salad because you were afraid of eating something “unhealthy.” One approach is rooted in joy and the other is rooted in fear. On the other hand, if you are craving a kale salad, then by all means, go for it! See what I mean? Nutrition and health are not black and white.

To eat in a way that brings joy and satisfaction, seek to incorporate all three macronutrients (fat, protein, carb) at each meal – each macronutrient brings something different to the table so to speak that is important for feeling full and content with a meal. Enjoy meals with others whenever you can, whether that is a family dinner or an office lunch. Or, when eating alone, try to be mindful during your eating experience, taking your time whenever you can. A simple candle or some music can also work wonders for the ambiance! Eating for joy and satisfaction doesn’t have to be fancy, unless that is something you enjoy! A dinner can be enjoyable and satisfying whether it is a Stouffer’s mac n’ cheese or a three-course meal at a nice steakhouse.

The taco: a naturally balanced meal. (Fat = cheese, protein = chicken, carb = tortilla. Plus fun add-ons for bonus.)

Lastly, knowing that we can trust our bodies is much of what ultimately allows us to settle into a joy-based approach to eating. Our bodies are flexible and brilliantly designed to be able to resiliently handle a wide array of types and quantities of food – if we let them. When we seek to rigidly control what we are eating and fight our biology (unless there is a medically warranted reason to be more rigid in some aspect of our eating), this will backfire into chaos with our relationship with food and our bodies. Being able to flexibly eat a wide variety of food is indicative of both good nutrition and a joy-based approach to eating.

What would it look like for you to take one step towards a more joy-based approach to eating?