Something I am passionate about when it comes to food is the idea of increasing permission with food. Working on “permission with food” is almost always a big part of disordered eating recovery.

Giving yourself greater permission with food might look like…

• Allowing yourself foods that you like but typically avoid because they are “less healthy” (and doing so without guilt or “compensatory measures” like restricting the next day)
• Growing in flexibility with how you approach food, such as enjoying a dessert at a time of day you might not normally eat dessert
• In general, starting to heal any food rules you might consciously or subconsciously be using to navigate food decisions in a fear or anxiety-based way

Many of us may know from experience that restricting food intake and/or NOT giving yourself permission with food is a surefire way to experience chaos and obsession with food. You can read more on this idea and the cycle of restriction in this blog post. Chaos/obsession with food might look like binge eating, compulsively eating, and/or obsessively thinking about food (whether or not you “act” on those obsessions by eating).

If you are growing in healing your relationship with food and your body, maybe you have started to experience some of the benefits (nutritionally and mentally/emotionally) of giving yourself greater permission with food. HOWEVER, you may also be at a place in your journey of wondering when/if it is “okay” to say no to a food without doing this from a place of restriction…(the place/mentality you are working so hard to leave!).

When making a food choice, is there a healthy/life-giving way to say no to a certain food without it coming from a dieting/restricting mentality?

In other words, what is the difference between setting what I call a “healthy food boundary” versus engaging in unhealthy, disordered eating-type restriction?

Let’s begin to explore this idea in the rest of this post! As always, I’d love to hear any thoughts that you have (feel free to leave them in the comments or message me personally).

To get us thinking, let’s consider an example evening dessert scenario.

Imagine that it is 8pm and your roommate is pulling a warm pan of brownies out of the oven. The smell is wafting into your bedroom, and she offers to bring you one (or more, if you’d like).

Obviously, you can either say yes or no to the brownie.

Saying yes or no could, depending on your mental/emotional engagement with this brownie decision, be either a healthy food boundary OR an unhealthy restriction.

Whether you are “restricting” or not is not necessarily something that would be “visible” to those around you. It is something you have to internally discern/feel out. If someone judges you for saying yes or no (especially with no context), that is typically more about them and their issues.

In the rest of this post I will provide more thoughts as to what it might look like to discern the difference between a healthy food boundary versus an unhealthy food restriction. That being said, as you heal your relationship with food these type of food decisions will become more natural/intuitive and not something you generally stress about or put much thought into.

As most things in the “world of food” tend to go, this is not a black-and-white concept. Much more could be said than I have space and time to share here!

I would generally consider it “unhealthy restriction” if you choose NOT to eat the brownie because you feel anxious eating brownies, you would have to go to the gym or eat less the next morning if you eat the brownie, one morsel of added sugar is going to cause you extreme internal chaos, or you never sacrifice your “health” for the sake of fun/life-giving activities like spontaneously sharing a warm gooey brownie with your friend. (Unless you have a medical reason to never eat said brownies, such as an allergy).

I would generally consider it a “healthy food boundary” if you choose not to eat the brownie because you know from previous experience that the sweeter dessert might interfere with your sleep and you don’t feel like risking that right now, you don’t really feel like having dessert with your friend at the moment and want to opt for a different evening snack, you are already full / don’t want more food, or you simply want to pass for any number of reasons that aren’t coming from an anxious/fear-based place.

Discerning between restricting and setting a healthy food boundary involves taking into consideration your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Sometimes you might choose to focus more on your physical health (i.e., choosing some yogurt and granola instead of the brownie), and other times your mental/emotional health (i.e., enjoying a brownie and spending quality time with your roommate).

At the same time, I don’t see these different aspects of health as disconnected/mutually exclusive! For example, enjoying the brownie can be good for your physical health, too – possibly even better in the long-run than previously mentioned yogurt/granola! One of my guiding nutritional philosophies is that enjoyment and satisfaction with food is KEY to good nutritional/physical health. Ahh the nuance in eating decisions. Don’t let your RD or anyone else tell you what’s best for you! 🙂

Is your eating decision coming from a peaceful place? One that allows all aspects of your health and well-being to have a voice in deciding, so to speak?

Or is it rooted in guilt, anxiety, tension, disconnection, and fear?

Might the alter of “perfect physical health at any cost” be driving the decision? (The restriction side of the coin). Or, a desire to zone out and disconnect through binge/compulsively eating? (The binge side of the coin).

Some things to consider to help you recognize what unhealthy restriction might look like.

• Comes from a place of fear, worry, control, and/or anxiety
• Does not take into account mental/emotional health
• Does not take into account joy, pleasure, taste, and fun
• Overvalues nutritional content of food at the expense of other aspects of health and well-being
• Is focused on an external result we can’t directly control (such as weight or body size) as opposed to healthy/life-giving behaviors
• Is loaded with “conditions” (such as, I ate some ice cream last night [condition] so therefore I cannot eat ice cream today (regardless of what I think, want, or feel in the moment))
• Feels hurried/rushed rather than slowing down and asking what you/your body truly wants and needs in this moment
• Sees eating the food as catastrophic or morally bad (would lead to feelings of guilt)

On the flip side, some thoughts on what to look out for to help you recognize what a healthy food boundary might look like.

• Takes into account all aspects of health and well-being: physical, nutritional, emotional, mental, relational, spiritual
• Is made from a place of unconditional permission to eat (i.e., the option to eat the food truly exists in your mind, without guilt or conditions attached)
• Recognizes that it is not generally “yes” or “no” to a food, but do I want it “now” or “later” (later could be in 5 mins if I change my mind, later tonight, tomorrow, next week, at a future holiday, next time you are at the restaurant, etc.)
• Is curious, asking questions like “how might I feel if I eat this food?” or “do I want to enjoy this food in this moment?”
• To eat or not eat the food is perceived as a morally equivalent option and the decision is not overly charged with emotion
• Comes from an overall place of self-care and self-kindness
• Is not intended to manipulate body shape or size, but rather reflects a desire to care for oneself well
• Doesn’t feel like you are depriving yourself and doesn’t lead to obsessively thinking about the food or second-guessing yourself

Taking into account different “viewpoints” within yourself might entail asking yourself what a nutritionally balanced choice might be, along with what sounds fun/tasty/delicious. Sometimes we might emphasize or act on one viewpoint over another, depending on the situation and what feels good/peaceful to us at the moment.

At the end of the day, it can be helpful to ask yourself: what is my overall gut/intuition telling me I’d like to truly do in regards to eating or not eating this food?

Each time we are presented with a food situation where we are unsure if we want to say yes or no, it is an opportunity to practice getting curious, paying attention to your body/thoughts/feelings/intuition, and exploring. No pressure to “get it wrong” — there are plenty more eating opportunities throughout the day/week to experiment again.

Feeling confident with what generally feels good to you physically + emotionally when it comes to food and what it feels like for you to have a healthy food boundary vs. engaging in unhealthy restriction is something that will take time and practice, each time gently asking yourself: how can I relate to this food in a way that honors my overall health and well-being, recognizing that I am a “whole person” with thoughts, relationships, emotions, and bodily health, all of which are connected and (at least in my opinion), important to consider?