While we are, of course, cohesive beings, it can sometimes be helpful to conceptualize the different “parts” of our personalities, or of who we are.

We often talk with this “parts” vocabulary in everyday life.

One part of me would like to relax and watch TV all evening, while another part of me feels like getting these chores done would be helpful for the rest of my week.

Part of me wants to say “yes” to dinner with friends this Friday, and part of me wants to stay home and have a chill/quiet evening instead.

We are all complex, multifaceted, and nuanced individuals. We have various needs, desires, and preferences that sometimes are at odds with one another!

In general, I find it can be helpful to “consult” these various parts of ourselves when it comes to decision making, not letting one part dominate or run the show 24/7.

If ALL I do is stay home and have introvert time every single day, I probably wouldn’t have many (or any) friendships. If ALL I do are chores and other tasks in the evenings, I would almost certainly feel burnt out.

When it comes to your food decisions, are you letting multiple parts of you weigh in on your decisions? Or is one part of you calling ALL the shots?

For the purpose of this blog post, we are going to consider two “key parts.”

One part is our fun, spontaneous, child-like part. This is the part of me that wants to relax and never do any chores, and wishes I could go hiking and read books all day. 🙂 “Why must there be work to be done???” this part protests.

Another part is our disciplined, structured, adult-like part. This is the part of me that wants to get ALL the tasks done NOW, and routinely sees relaxing as secondary to, or lesser than, GETTING THINGS DONE.

For some of us (myself included), this “adult part” tends to dominate a bit too much. When this part is too dominant, it tends to show up in ways that are:

• Overly controlled
• Overly rigid
• Hypervigilant
• Perfectionistic
• Overly efficient
• Overly urgent

When it comes to food, when this part of ourselves is too dominate, we might feel like…

–> EVERY food choice has to be the “right” one. I must be PERFECT in my eating.
–> Anything that is not “necessary” is EXTRA and should be CUT OUT. Step aside dressing on my salad and butter on my bread.
–> I MUST make the “right” choices, otherwise I WILL gain weight, my health will be derailed, etc. etc.

Note #1: there is no way to perfect your eating and I don’t think the above is actually true!

Note #2: you may feel like your “child like part” is too dominate in your eating. OR you may feel like you swing between the two. The focus of this specific post is going to be primarily on the adult-like, hypervigilant part that can run the show too much, trying to “perfect” our eating at all times.

What are some of the consequences of our over-controlled, hypervigilant part calling all the shots with our eating?

• We are likely to feel obsessive with food and think about food all the time.
  • When there is a RIGHT choice that must be made at all times, we feel the urge to overly plan in advance. We obsess over making this “right choice.”
• We are increasing the likelihood that we will swing in the OPPOSITE direction with our eating.
  • When the fun, child-like part of us is overly suppressed, “rebellion” is likely to occur. This is due to both psychological (mental food restriction) and physical reasons.
• Our relationships and mental/emotional health will likely suffer.
  • We may be afraid to go out and do things with friends, because the “right” food might not be served.
  • We may be afraid to do anything spontaneous when it comes to food, because this “wasn’t in my plan.”
  • We will likely feel obsessive and anxious, and increasingly on edge. Our entire lives may increasingly revolve around food.
• We are likely to have *ironically* WORSENED physical and nutritional health.
  • One of my guiding nutrition principles is the reality that “when the JOY goes out of eating, NUTRITION SUFFERS.” (Quote from Ellyn Satter, RD).
  • We may think we are doing ourselves a favor by attempting the “best way of eating possible at all times with no margin for anything fun or any ‘messing up’.” HOWEVER, it is a more balanced approach, with “all parts weighing in to some degree,” that tends to lead to the best PHYSICAL health outcomes. Yes, you read that right!

See also “Trade-Offs in the Pursuit of Food Choices” and “Two Main Drivers of Chaotic/Compulsive Eating.”

How much you weigh into and consider each “part” might depend on your values and/or on what you are working on. 

I often conceptualize our adult part, child part, and “loving parent” part. See the triangle below.

As someone who leans towards being overly disciplined and rigid, thinking about things in this way can help me take into account my “child like” part more often, and make a holistic decision coming from the “loving parent” part.

For example, if I have an unstructured Saturday coming up, I want to consult the “adult part” to see what tasks/chores/life things need to get done, and also the “child part” to see what FUN and RELAXATION this part of me wants to account for. Since I lean towards being more controlling/rigid, it is vital that I consult this child-like part. I then might make a general plan incorporating a (hopefully) good balance. My loving parent part might consider what’s urgent, what’s truly important, what’s going to be life-giving, and what my general intuition is as to “what I should do” on Saturday. Otherwise, my adult part would likely run the show far too much. I need to make room for my child-like part to plan some fun too!

This is also a more motivating and healthier approach. When I know I have fun plans incorporated into my weekend, I am likely to be more motivated to stay focused on my tasks during “work time.” When life is generally approached in this more balanced way, I am likelier to have better physical, mental, and emotional health. The same goes for food.

When it comes to food decisions, some of our “loving parents” might at times consult MORE HEAVILY the child-like part of us, and sometimes more heavily the adult-like part.

This might depend on both our values and “what we are working on” when it comes to our relationships with food.

Some of us value (more than others) having a more nutrient-dense diet, and like how this helps us feel physically. Some of us might not find this quite as important. Both approaches can be perfectly fine, and are individual preferences. These different values will play out in what a good, balanced food decision looks like for each person.

Some of us might be allowing our “adult like” part to be overly dominant in our food decisions. The “loving parent” choice might be to work on consulting more heavily with the child-like part of us. This might look like being more permissive with our food choices (versus restrictive), more spontaneous, and more fun.

Possible Next Steps in Allowing Your Child Part to Speak Up More:

If you are sensing that your adult part is overly dominant in your eating decisions, you may want to reflect on what it might look like to allow your child-like part to chime in a bit more.

THAT BEING SAID, if you have been over-functioning in adult-mode with your food decisions, there are reasons for this. It would be worth exploring what fears, thoughts, beliefs, and emotional wounds are causing your adult part to be overly dominant. It didn’t just happen this way out of nowhere…

If you are feeling ready to explore what it might be like to have your child-like part to speak up a bit more, you might consider…

• Working on finishing the statement, “this would be better if….,” and having the courage to experiment with this once a day (or start with once a week).
  • Allow your child-like part to speak up to create a more satisfying dish. Might your oatmeal “be better if” you added some peanut butter? Might your baked potato “be better if” you added a bit of butter, salt, and pepper?

• Writing out a list of the foods you truly do enjoy, but don’t generally allow yourself to eat.
  • Consider journaling // what are the reasons I avoid these foods? is this necessary for my physical health? might it be better for my overall health to work on including them a bit more? what key fears/beliefs might be preventing change and who can I process these with?

• Journaling out the costs of your adult-like part being overly dominant. How might your life change if your child-like part were to weigh in more?

Sending you love and encouragement as you navigate healing and freedom with all things food!

As always, for more support & thoughts, I invite you to leave a comment below, to message me directly, or to consider booking a consult call to discuss more individualized support (for clients in Michigan, Idaho, & Arizona).