Happy Wednesday!

Today I’m sharing some thoughts on my experience recovering from anorexia (the most intense part of my recovery took place when I was in high school).

While this was an extremely difficult time in my life that I would never want to repeat, I am also thankful for it because of all the personal growth and healing that has resulted from it! While painful at times, beginning recovery has been the gift that has kept giving.

I hope you find the following thoughts and reflections both helpful and encouraging if you are currently recovering from anorexia, or if you are thinking about starting recovery.

If you are recovering from a different eating disorder (or any degree of disordered eating), I think you will also find this post encouraging!

It takes a LOT of food to recover. 

To be diagnosed with anorexia like I was, that means you are considerably underweight compared to what a healthy body size is for you. Weight restoration is generally thought to be the most daunting aspect of anorexia recovery.

I know I was surprised, and most people I work with are surprised, about HOW MUCH FOOD it takes to get your body back to a healthy place. In the initial part of weight restoration, pretty much all of the food/energy/calories are going towards revving up your metabolism (which has been suppressed for so long). It usually takes a LOT of food to even get to the point where you start to weight restore.

For a while you may eat more and more and no weight gain is happening. Madness! This is because so much of what you are eating is going towards normalizing metabolism, repairing internal organs, getting hormones and other bodily functions back in gear, etc. It is like climbing this giant mountain that one needs to get over to even get to the point where weight restoration starts happening. The body needs ALL THE ENERGY at this time of intense healing and repair. Trust that your body needs this amount of food to heal.

Creative food bowls & combinations can be helpful.

When I was recovering, I found “bowl type dishes” useful because they were easy to add toppings to / get more food in with one meal. I especially liked to utilize this strategy at breakfast. You all know I love my oatmeal/breakfast bowls to this day!

A few breakfast bowls I liked to regularly make during this time…

–> Cheerios and milk topped w/ cashews, granola, chia seeds, + blueberries
–> Oatmeal topped w/ melted coconut oil, flax seeds, almond butter, honey, + berries
–> Whole-milk yogurt topped w/ nut butter, granola, seeds, + fruit

Consider as many toppings to your meals as you can reasonably tolerate / makes sense from a taste standpoint. Topping ideas include: nut butters, avocado, chia seeds, other nuts/seeds, butter, olive oil, coconut oil, granola, and dressings/sauces. When I started to become really motivated during my weight restoration phase I would often have a spoonful or two of straight-up olive oil or coconut oil before bed! Caloric density for the win.

Recovery is uncomfortable physically AND mentally/emotionally.

Recovery is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am not going to sugarcoat that for you! I think one of the reasons why anorexia recovery is so difficult in particular is because you are dealing with tons of physical discomfort AND mental/emotional discomfort. AGHH!

Physical discomfort with your body changing, having to eat and eat and eat, not knowing when the weight restoration will be over. Often symptoms like bloating, night sweats, extreme hunger, uncomfortable fullness, gas, indigestion, and more…

From a mental/emotional standpoint, the eating disorder has been operating like a life vest that you have been holding on to for dear life to help manage distressing emotions. Now it is being dismantled and it is awful! Probably so much anxiety and overwhelm is ensuing! The eating disorder will try to maintain a foothold in your life with every ounce of its being. It is a strong addiction to break free from, and there are very real biological forces at play that need to be overcome.

I have so much compassion and empathy for how difficult this process is!

BUT it is totally worth it.

While it is hard, I want you to know that it is TOTALLY WORTH IT!!! All the challenges and struggle of the process of recovery are 100% worth it, ten times over.

You CAN have your life back. You CAN have a future beyond addictive/compulsive behavior with food/exercise. YOUR LIFE IS WORTH IT.

Life really is so short. Each day is a gift. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, and even if we live a full lifespan, it is really here and gone in a vapor. I implore you to take a stand once and for all and NOT let your eating disorder stand in the way any longer! This is tough but it CAN BE DONE.

The body is resilient.

As I reflect back on my experience, it is amazing to me how resilient  the human body is. I was so malnourished, in such an unhealthy place… and now my body is (in general) thriving. Before, I was freezing constantly, bones were jutting out, I couldn’t think clearly, my hormones were MIA, I couldn’t sleep, and I was somewhat of a walking zombie. Not very fun.

Since my eating disorder recovery, I have gotten back to a healthy body, gotten my period back, backpacked mountains and run a marathon, completed college and a grad degree, gotten married, started a business, and in general feel like myself again!

Even when in a place of severe malnourishment, the body can largely/if not fully bounce back!! This is SUCH encouraging news if you are currently in the grips of an eating disorder! All the more reason to take action TODAY.

A break from exercise is often a good idea.

I HIGHLY recommend taking a full break from exercise at some point during your anorexia recovery journey. (Not everyone struggles with compulsive exercise but many do). If you are just starting out in recovery, now is a perfect time. If you have made a lot of headway in recovery but still feel like exercise is addictive/a problem for you, now is also a perfect time.

I have written about before how in many ways working through my exercise addiction was even harder than healing my relationship with food. I had many seasons where I would decrease my exercise level/intensity to help with recovery (which was helpful), but this wasn’t as effective from a physical health and emotional health standpoint as taking a total break. This was the one thing that finally helped me break free from my exercise compulsivity. (And get my period back after 6+ years).

SO HARD BUT AGAIN, WORTH IT. Now I can enjoy a lifetime of exercise from a much healthier place.

Most people won’t get it and that is (frustrating) but okay.

I remember before I had anorexia not understanding at all how someone could be stuck in such an illness. It seemed like a rather easy solution to me as far as getting better… Just eat!! Duh!

**Queue the long drawn-out sigh**

To be blunt, most people who think this way have little to no understanding of addictive/compulsive behavior. (I used to be one of those persons).

You may experience people in your life who respond to you in this “just freaking eat” sort of way. That is frustrating to be so misunderstood!

I do think it is super helpful and important to find people in your life/support circle who DO get it. That could be a therapist, dietitian, family member, mentor, or friend. That could be reading other blogs online such as here, or places like Kylie’s blog.

Anorexia is a mental illness and people do not “choose” to have it. As the saying goes, genetics/biology load the gun and environment pulls the trigger. If that weren’t the case, anorexia would be MUCH more common given the amount of people who restrictively eat/try to lose weight (but don’t end up w/ anorexia).

High-quality fats are where it’s at. 

I recommend including as many high-quality fat sources as possible. This will help tremendously with both your hormone levels and making faster headway with weight restoration by eating more calorically-dense foods.

For sure I recommend switching to full-fat dairy sources (and staying w/ full-fat even after recovery for a much healthier choice in my opinion).

Other higher-fat foods to consider include: avocado, nut butters, ice cream, butter, oils, nuts/seeds, red meat, eggs (w/ the yolk – also where most of the nutrition is), darker chicken cuts, cheese, dark chocolate, and desserts. Ideas to consider include some olive oil or butter mixed into any rice/quinoa/grains, some dark chocolate w/ peanut butter before bed, and a glass of regular or chocolate milk with every meal.

Let it be known that consuming fat in and of itself does not “make one fat.” It is an all-star macronutrient especially important for hormones, vitamin status, and more!

But also carb and protein. 

While I am all about the healthy fats, adequate carb and protein are also essential for anorexia recovery! (And eating patterns in general, of course). Each macronutrient serves a purpose in a well-balanced meal.

By eating enough carb, protein, and fat, your body will have the resources it needs to recover, heal, and rebuild.

When making a meal, I recommend using the general format of: fat + protein + carb + any fruits/veggies.

When choosing a snack, I recommend a carbohydrate source + a fat and/or protein source. Think an apple (carb) with peanut butter (fat/protein), NOT just an apple!

These are basic nutrition guidelines I personally use and encourage all my clients in, not just those in AN recovery.

You CAN fully recover – there are no barriers that can’t be overcome.

FULL RECOVERY is possible. It CAN happen for you too.

But, you likely feel some barriers to recovery, otherwise it would be simple and you would have “done it” already.

Some barriers may be external. External barriers include finances to pay for help/treatment, time to go to appointments, and difficulty finding quality help.

Many barriers are more internal. Internal barriers include thinking you can’t do it / it is too hard, being fearful of how your body will change, feeling like the addictive nature of anorexia is too overpowering, and feeling like the emotions that come up when you try to eat more/work at recovery are too difficult to handle.

These barriers are very real!

HOWEVER, there are NO barriers that can’t be overcome.

How can you adjust whatever you need to in your life in order to free up more time or finances for recovery? This can be hard depending on your circumstances, let’s be honest, but it can be done. Your life is worth it.

What about the mental/emotional barriers??

Given enough time, commitment to the process, and support, ALL OF THESE can be worked through. As I like to tell my clients, “I won’t just get you to a healthy body and leave you stranded on an island. I will work equally as hard at BOTH getting you to a healthy body AND working through whatever thoughts/feelings we need to work through so that you feel good in your healthy body and in your relationship with food.”

ALL of the internal barriers to full recovery CAN be worked through. It is EXPECTED that recovery will be hard and that there will be ups and downs. It is all part of the process. The key is being committed to growing / working through things no matter what.

Keep your vision and reason for recovery in mind as often as you can. Trust that commitment to growth and healing over time will lead you to the abundant life awaiting you on the other side of recovery!