Part (or all) of me wishes I didn’t have to write this post, but I do!

I’m wanting to share with you on the blog here that I haven’t had my period for the past 6 months. (Part of the reason why I’m not running right now).

I never want anyone reading my blog to think that I have it all together in the realms of everything that I talk about and even work on with clients — food, hormones, exercise, and fueling our bodies properly. Sometimes I struggle to listen to and implement my own advice. 😑

Part of me is feeling so frustrated with myself, because after SIX YEARS of having no period (~2009-2015) I vowed to never let this happen again. Yet here I am.

Six months is nowhere near as severe or problematic as six years, and I anticipate this being resolved much more quickly than the last time. I’m also not wrestling with or coming off of an eating disorder like before. But as months two, three, four, and five went on without a period, I finally came to terms with the fact that I needed to stop *wishing* my period would come back and work to actually make some serious changes. 👉

“When nothing changes, NOTHING CHANGES.”

I didn’t expect things to get to this point… there have been a couple of times over the past year when my cycle would start dragging out (not great– clearly I needed to listen better at that point), so I would stop running for a couple of weeks and then it would come back.

Now, I’ve made some much more significant changes for a few months and am still struggling, causing me to really pull back, adjust, and give my body the rest and recovery it’s needing.

I also want to have compassion for the fact that once someone (like myself) has a history of hypothalamic amenorrhea (i.e., not having your period due to an energy deficit and/or stress), the body is often more sensitive to this sort of thing happening again. At the same time, it feels really really frustrating to have to walk through this again, even if in a more minor way.

Especially when I am no longer in my teens and early 20s and would like the option to have kids sometime soonish! 🤦‍♀️

Yet I haven’t given my body the appropriate amount of fuel it clearly needed. I’ve been (unintentionally) in a bit of a deficit for too long. Sometimes it’s hard to know what it looks like to REALLY give my body the amount of food it requires (which can seem like a lot, even from a purely logistical standpoint).

My sleep has been a struggle, and sometimes my stress level gets too high. I’ve been dealing with a number of gut health and autoimmune issues over the past couple of years. Adjusting my diet to heal my gut and autoimmune condition has made things more difficult, as certain high-caloric foods (nuts in particular) were one of the main drivers of my autoimmunity.

While some of these challenges are more in my control than others, all have been tough for my hormonal health and maintaining a healthy cycle.

It can be hard for me to make changes when I am in such a routine and when things feel comfortable.

It can be hard for me to make major changes to my exercise, my food patterns, and how my body feels.

Yet when I reach a place of acceptance with the reality of the situation and my WHY (being healthy) becomes so much greater, I’m able to do what I need to do to make the changes. 

Doing what I was continuing to do is / was NOT going to get me where I want to go. Getting out of denial and into acceptance these past few months is helping me make major shifts, such as not running, amping up my intake, and gaining some weight.

So far I’ve gained about 5 lbs and am not sure how much more will be necessary. I’m trying to accept the process and the fact that I’ll probably be needing to buy some new clothes. 😔

I’m still struggling with some frustration over having to navigate this again, but what’s been helpful in managing my frustration is seeking to shift my perspective. How can I see the good in this situation and the opportunity for growth and greater healing? 

Because of walking through period recovery again…

I will be EXTRA diligent going forward in fueling my body properly, managing my stress, and incorporating adequate rest.

I will be MORE AWARE of the hormonal cycle parameters I need to be monitoring and looking out for to know when things are going well and when I need to make tweaks (before the situation gets more dire and I lose my period completely).

I will be MORE CAPABLE of supporting clients in their own period recovery journeys.

I will be MORE GRATEFUL when I get back to my regular activities and adventuring, and very motivated to maintain my improved health.

I’ve learned even more about what it takes to maintain a healthy cycle, and I’m going to use this knowledge to better support myself going forward.

Challenges like these are opportunities to practice patience, endurance, mindset work, body acceptance, and going against the grain.

It can be hard to rest more, not exercise, eat more, and gain weight, when society is constantly praising and telling you the opposite. It’s hard when people compliment my slightly underweight body, when this is NOT my healthiest body.

It’s not the body that allows me to have kids, to have energy, to run from a place of health, and to live my best life.

Not having your period affects so much more than your fertility… when your cycle is missing and hormones are out of whack, it negatively impacts bone health, heart health, brain health, and more. Not having your period, while relatively common in the female running and athletic communities, is NOT normal and it’s NOT healthy!

It’s our bodies’ way of communicating that there isn’t enough energy coming in, so now’s not a good time to have a baby… whether or not pregnancy is the first or last thing on your mind. The body is saying, the energy we DO have needs to go to things like keeping your heart beating and your legs moving.

Reproduction goes on the back burner because it’s not essential to keeping you alive. Yet it’s a key marker of health and vitality.

In the upcoming weeks and months, I’m going to be sharing more period recovery posts on topics like:

✨ what I’m doing specifically to get my period back

✨ what I wish I had done before my period went missing again

✨ and tips for how to balance your hormones naturally.

I can’t put a timeline on things, but I’m hoping to have my cycle back within the next couple/few months. At that point, I’ll be continuing my running break for a bit, and then *very gradually* adding some more running / exercise back in when my body communicates that it is doing well and in a place of maintenance. And I’ll be adding in all the nutrition that requires.

Time to put my RD credential to better use on myself! 🙃

And more importantly, time to continue working through any emotional or psychological barriers that might keep me stuck, threatening to prevent any needed weight gain and hinder my eat-more-exercise-less mode of operating at the moment.

It’s not okay to me to not be adequately healthy… I’m going to do what I need to do to get back on track!

Explore More

Life Update – Final Semester! Small Steps & Living with Intention My Journey with Exercise 10 Things I’m Doing to Get My Period Back