Something that comes up quite a bit in my sessions with clients is this idea of how it can be tough (especially as women) to make peace with or to accept whatever your body’s healthy size naturally is.

All of us have a unique, largely genetically-determined range at which our bodies are likely to be healthiest. And this range will shift over time, as we age and navigate different phases of life.

Barring extremes, depending on what’s healthiest for you, being in a thinner body size is not necessarily healthier, and being in a larger body size is not necessarily less healthy — despite what most messaging in our culture would lead you to believe!

Our natural, healthy body sizes are not something we get to choose. I think most of us, if we’re being honest, would probably prefer to have the magical ability to select whatever body size would be “ideal” to us in our minds, and press a pause button to be able to stay there without any fluctuations as the weeks, months, and years go by.

The nature of our healthy body sizes being outside our direct control can be especially challenging in a culture where the vast majority of imaging and messaging suggests that there is a “right” or “best” way to physically look as women.

Most of us probably have healthy weight ranges and natural shapes that aren’t in line with that very specific ideal. What’s more, women’s bodies are meant to flex and change throughout life! It’s often healthy and normal for women to gain a bit of weight as we age, and we are designed to expand and adapt tremendously throughout seasons of life such as pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

All healthy and the way we are designed, yet so not in line with the messaging we are constantly exposed to as to how we “should look” — and *always* should look.

No room for the messiness and change that is inherent to womanhood.

Maybe you’re struggling to eat the amount you know would be healthy and good for you, but are scared of where your healthy body size might land with adequate nourishment. Or maybe you’re wrestling with embracing your healthy body size change throughout pregnancy or the normal aging or developmental process.

And I’m sure many of us have had the experience of existing in our healthy body sizes, yet not loving how our bodies show up in the world on certain days (or maybe this is your constant experience).

In this post we’ll be looking at what it might mean to embrace your natural healthy body size, and some tips for navigating the challenges of doing so!

Making Peace with Your Healthy Body Size 

What it might look like to accept your healthy body size 

Accepting your body’s naturally healthy size means allowing it to exist at this size and caring for it at whatever size this may be, acknowledging that this size is outside of our direct control and choice.

Accepting your healthy body size doesn’t mean you have to love this size and wouldn’t want it to change in a world where we could choose our perfect / ideal size and shape. It means acknowledging this is NOT the world in which we live, and to truly be healthy means to nourish and care for your body in its healthy weight range.

It means accepting that this size will likely flex to some extent over time, as you pursue health and the different seasons of life.

As I often talk about with clients, we can generally control our healthy actions — such as eating nourishing meals and snacks, engaging in exercise we enjoy, and having enough rest and downtime — but we cannot directly control the outcome of how our bodies show up in the world. Otherwise, going back to what I mentioned earlier, most of us would probably have already pressed the mythical “select and pause” button for our ideal shape and size!

If you’re needing more support in considering whether or not you are at your healthy body size range, I invite you to check out this post.

[Preview: If you’re eating less than 3 meals and several snacks, feel like you have to run 5 miles a day to maintain your current body size, or feel like you can never go out to a restaurant or enjoy a slice of birthday cake, then this is not likely your healthy body size range.]

Tips for making peace with your healthy body size

Find clothes that you enjoy wearing  

My first tip is practical — find clothes that you actually enjoy wearing at your body’s healthy shape and size, and accept that there will be certain styles and looks that don’t work for each of us, given the normal differences in our body shapes and sizes.

I’ve made peace with the fact that I don’t feel like certain styles of tops, bathing suits, dresses, and bottoms are well-suited to my natural body size. And this is okay! I seek out the styles and looks that I do feel like I look better in and feel more comfortable in.

If there are clothes in your closet that are either too small or too large for your naturally healthy body size, and this is preventing you from nourishing and caring for your healthy body size, I’d encourage you to consider donating these clothes and finding new items that do fit your healthy body size in tasteful ways that you feel relatively good in.

Get curious about what’s beneath the surface 

If you’re finding it difficult to let go of your desire to be a certain shape or body size that is different from your naturally healthy body size, I’d recommend getting curious about where this hyper-fixation is coming from.

What memories or experiences come up for you when you consider what being a certain weight or body size means to you?

What have you learned or told yourself over time that being a certain weight or body size means? (i.e., I’ll finally be happy, I won’t be stressed anymore, I’ll finally fit in, etc.)

These questions can be especially helpful to explore with a dietitian and/or therapist.

Seek to shift your focus onto your health

As I’ve mentioned some above, seek to shift your focus off of your body shape and size and onto your actual health.

This might look like focusing on eating a nourishing and filling breakfast, instead of stressing about the size of your thighs or shape of your arms. Or it might look like taking small steps to build an exercise routine you actually enjoy, instead of letting fear of what others think about how you look stop you from going to the exercise class or yoga studio you’ve been wanting to try.

When I talk about focusing on actual health, I mean health in a holistic sense. To be truly and fully healthy, we can’t just consider physical health. We must also consider our mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual health. And the reality is, all aspects of health are connected and affect one another to some extent! So if we are just focusing on our physical health, and neglecting all other aspects of health, the irony is that we are more likely to be less physically healthy.

Seek to shift your focus onto your values 

In addition to focusing on your actual health instead of your body shape / size, I’d encourage you to focus on your values as well.

How does being at your healthy body size allow you to live a life more fully aligned with your values?

Or if you aren’t at your healthy body size, how might accepting this size allow you to more fully live your life in the ways that matter to you most?

When we are chronically pursuing a size that is different from our naturally healthy body size, we are much more likely to be spending our mental and emotional energy on obsessing over our food intake, overly rigid exercise plans, and how to avoid any and all social events that might involve food.

Not on things like how I want to care for and invest in my relationships, what kind of meaningful career I want to pursue, what adventures I could go on this year, or what kind of legacy I want to leave.

How might the challenges of making peace with your naturally healthy body size be preventing you from living your best life? 

Know that if this is something you are struggling with, you don’t have to stay there!

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